Jack Sh*t’s Guide to Healthy Camping

Like the legendary Sasquatch,
I am large, have a lot of back hair

and am surprisingly difficult to
photograph in the wild. 

• An easy way to burn extra calories while hiking is to get lost.

• Not many folks know this, but you can make your campfire smell just like fresh-cooked pumpkin pie by using pumpkin pies instead of logs.

• Waiting with a group of other campers in the campsite restroom to use the shower is the perfect time to organize a rousing Zumba session.

• One way to make yourself drink more water is to cram a still burning marshmallow into your mouth.

• You can turn an ordinary picnic table into weights by picking it up over your head repeatedly.

• Biking around the camp area is great exercise, especially if the kid you stole it from starts chasing you.

• Healthy items to add to trail mix: raw nuts, popcorn, dried fruit, coconut flakes, puffed quinoa,. Things to avoid in trail mix: gummi worms, caramel squares, jawbreakers, meatballs, NyQuil,  pumpkin seeds (okay, pumpkin seeds aren’t necessarily unhealthy, but they do weird me out a little).

• Stay active and make sure you don’t make the mistake of sitting in a comfortable chair and gazing at the fire for hours because…. Ooooooooooooo…. Sooooooo mesmoriiiizzzzziiiinnnggggg.

• Looking for the healthiest s’mores ever? Go camping with my wife Anita who somehow “forgot” the graham crackers, marshmallows, chocolate and my special s’more toasting stick! C’MON ANITA!