Friday, October 22, 2010

Do the Opposite of What I Say


I don’t know why, but it’s easier for me to write stuff that’s the absolute opposite of what you should be doing than just continue preaching to the choir.

  • Treat working out like a job; call in and pretend to be sick when you don’t feel like going.
  • When you order a piece of cake, remember to ask for the frosting on the side.
  • Try not to drink more than one beer at a time.
  • Sex can burn over 300 calories per hour, so try to have at least six hours of it a day.
  • Don’t be intimidated by the fitness equipment; the worst that can happen is that you look foolish… or the weights fall while you’re doing chest presses and you crush your larynx.
  • Interval training is a great way to build up your stamina, so run one step, walk one step, run one step, walk one step….
  • Regular kettlebells are kind of heavy, so you should probably start off with inflatable kettlebells.
  • A slice of cake is kind of high in calories, but they don’t specify how big the slice can be. Go crazy!
  • It’s important to get plenty of sleep every day… at least that’s what you should tell your boss when he catches you napping in your cubicle.
  • Calcium is important to maintain bone density so try to drink a glass of milk or blue cheese dressing every day.
  • The baristas at Starbucks will tell you the nutritional information of your favorite coffee drinks if you ask, so for God’s sake–don’t ask!
  • Each day, try to work in 3-4 servings of fresh fruit or fruit-flavored candy.
  • Drinking water is a key component to weight loss, so try to drink at least a gallon while you’re swimming laps.
  • Blogging is important to maintain accountability; if you haven’t got time to create new content, just copy and paste some from somebody else’s blog.

14 comments:

  1. Great idea--inflatable kettleballs!! :-D
    Happy Friday Jack!

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  2. Don't come to this blog for motivation or a good laugh 'cause it sucks .....remember it's opposites day?? :-)

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  3. No time today to blog so I copied yours..Thanks

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  4. If you ran one step walked one, would you go in circles?

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  5. There are too many funny things in this post alone! Between crushing my larynx and drinking a gallon of water while swimming, it looks like I have a lot to do. Thanks for making my Friday Jack!

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  6. Well a few days ago (as most days) you made some points that were too good and straight to the point, so I did point to your post and include a snippet! Lazy for sure, but you write it so well and I gave you full credit! :-)

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  7. Okay, the blue cheese one made me gag...

    I think I'll copy this post for my blog. ;)

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  8. Ewww on the drinking water while in the pool and on the plagiarizing too. ;)

    Great post. Opposite is a concept that I love since whenever I see, say, a Do Not Disturb sign, it always makes me want to disturb.

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  9. Oh LAWD! Sex for 6 hrs a day?? The reality of that would be quite scary.

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  10. I'm loving your blog Jack :) You have a new stalker *a-hem* follower!! x

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  11. Oh Gosh, I loved this post. Too funny!!!
    ~Margene

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  12. Wait so what your really telling us is not to have sex for 6 hrs a day? ooops ;)

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  13. I'm gutting myself laughing! As I do when I read most of your posts!!!! Your blog is great!

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